Being unapologetic about your growth.4 mins read

One of the reasons why I decided to finally start this blog is to document and share my experiences going through life, along with lessons learnt from them. I find some sort of release in doing this via writing, hence my preference for Twitter over Instagram on my social media list.

The most recent experience I had was deciding to change my work place from a rural area to a more urban centre. This might sound like a no-brainer but it wasn’t exactly that for me.

I am one to ponder a lot on things, almost to a detrimental level. I used to worry about this part of me in the past, but lately, I have come to embrace it. I decided to find the strength in what I once considered a weakness, that strength being the ability to analyse any situation I find myself in and find one or two lessons in it.

As you’ll know if you have read this post about how I got my internship placement, I got a placement through the Hospital Management Board, Akure which oversees all the hospital facilities under the Ondo State Government. Different States in Nigeria have their different boards with the Lagos State equivalent being Health Service Commission.

Under the HMB, houseofficers (and some other interns) are usually posted to any of 4 general hospitals in the state – 2 of which are in not so developed areas of the state (there is now a teaching hospital in Ondo State, so this posting method will probably change soon).

(Un)Fortunately for me, I was posted to one of the less developed areas at the start of my housemanship. I initially freaked out at the time and really didn’t want to go but eventually I did. I was also notified that if I wanted, I could request to be posted to a different hospital after 6 months.

Upon resuming at the hospital, I met some other houseofficers who were in their last of 4 postings (meaning they decided to stay the full year). I asked about their experiences and they gave their different accounts with the major highlight being the hands-on experience they had gotten, which is usually not the case in some other hospitals. Some told me to stay the full year, while others suggested I get reposted after 6 months. I decided to let my personal experience be the deciding factor.

Throughout the first 6 months there, rotating through paediatrics and obstetrics/gynecology, I can say that I really did have a good time. This is a statement which is hardly ever heard from the lips of a houseofficer in Nigeria.

It wasn’t that I didn’t have a lot of work doing. Contrary to that there was a lot to be done, seeing as we were just 6 houseofficers when I joined (at some point we were just 2 and I had to help out in paediatrics, NICU especially, while being on call for weeks in my O and G posting).

I think the fact that the work I got to do felt purposeful made me not realize how much work I had to do. Also the hospital staff was really accommodating and (almost) everyone made the work go smoothly.

In spite of how smoothly I had it going, I knew deep down that I couldn’t in good faith finish my housemanship year there. It would have been a disservice to myself. I knew that I wanted more with my housejob experience which I don’t think I would get staying back.

At the time, it wasn’t a particularly easy decision to make. Earlier this year, I wrote a post on making choices and how I was getting better at it.

Some new houseofficers also resumed around this period and I felt like my leaving might also influence them to leave, thereby leaving an understaffed hospital facility worse for the wear. This was where my overthinking cap came on and I began wondering if I really should do it.

At the end of the day, after doing all the analysis in my head, I realized that the only thing holding me back was my guilt for leaving and it made me wonder why exactly I felt guilty.

Besides leaving to go to a more developed area, I was leaving primarily to help my career, to expose myself to an environment which I believed will help me get better. Once, I understood that, I felt every feeling of guilt disappear. I was finally at peace with my decision. I shouldn’t feel guilty or apologetic about my growth.

I have heard different tales about this new place and how the workload is more and many others and I have decided to embrace all of it and anymore other thing that arises as a result of the decision I made.

It might not seem like much of a big deal but I have also realized that our lives are made up mostly of small moments like this which lead ultimately to the big ones ahead. Learning whatever we can whenever we can is paramount to our overall growth.

After two long weeks, I finally finished the processing for my reposting and resumed at State Specialist Hospital, Akure last week. I was posted to the department of Surgery and all has been well so far. I’ll definitely do a recap at the end of the posting like I did for Pediatrics and Obstetrics/Gynecology.

I’m owning this and will make the best of it.

Have you ever had to make a decision similar to this? Do you have any weaknesses like mine? Have you found the strength in it? Do you just want to say a word of encouragement or two?

Let’s meet up in the comment section below!